Walking down that road

I embark again, into the wilderness of the unknown. Erroneously I believed I had the map to a possible destiny, but when I tried to follow it, I became tangled in a web of bitter-sweet confusion. When things were great, I never believed they could be better, when times got bad, I never believed they could be worse, but where do I stand now? Lost in the grey mass of confusion, I slowly walk, waiting to hitch a ride from the next stranger passing through my world of chaos. Thumb up, hair blowing in the wind, with a burning cigarette in one hand, I saunter towards the darkness at the end of the road. Looking back, the life I led and the things I did are but a memory that are dissipating like the cool fog hovering over the road. Sticks are snapping in the blackened woods around me, mimicking my sanity. Animals, monsters, ghosts follow me, close enough for their presence to be known, but far enough that they cannot be seen. All that remains with me is my imagination and a traveling pack, holding the things that could never be left behind. Tattered jeans and broken dreams are what keep me going, walking towards the deafening silent abyss we like to believe is our future. But in the end, what will the outcome of such an estranged journey be? Picked up by another lonely traveler? Walking alone for the rest of eternity? Or actually solving the mysteries that encompass such a tortured soul, and making it to that final destination of "happiness", where the past and the pain can be put to rest, forever, and like memories, will disappear into the forgotten mist of the morning.

Dreams

Ok so I don't know what the heck is going on. I have been having the most vivid, life-like dreams lately and they are getting pretty freaky. I think someone from the great beyond is trying to get in contact with me, but why?
I have had at least 5 dreams of Bill in the past month and they are all the same, just a little different. In every dream, everyone thinks he is dead, but he walks into a room alive as you and me! When I ask him what's going on, he always says "Hey baby, I was always here". I don't know if it's just him trying to let me know that he is always watching out for me (and everyone else) or what but it's sooooo strange!!! I'm not complaining, because I love being able to see and talk to him. Also, after I have the dreams, I usually get up and get a drink of water or something, and I smell him. I can smell his scent and it is so calming.
It's sometimes hard, though, because I think of all the good times we spent together, especially in the summer and in the great outdoors. I remember the pool and the hot tub, July 4th, or staying up late, smoking cigarettes and just talking. I remember when he gave me my first ride on a motorcycle, and the feeling of the wind rushing around me was exhilarating! It's sad when reality hits and I know that we can never do those things again. I can never call him and just say hey. We won't be able to go to new restaurants or hang out a bar and have a few drinks. So all I have now are the memories.
I don't know what the dreams mean, all I know is how they make me feel. When I can see Bill, when I can hear his laugh or feel his hug, things don't seem like they're done and over with. He's always going to be my "daddy", and I really hope that he doesn't stop visiting, because it's nice to believe in guardian angels, but it's even nicer to know that they are right there beside you, every step of the way.