Story of the day...

Do you ever have those days, where nothing you do is right? Do you ever have those days, where everything you do seems to be wrong? Where the greatest lesson you learn, is that it's believed that you purposely do things to hurt other people?!?

I learned, today, that all my convictions against myself are true...To a point. I mean, really, I know I have issues. I know I have issues against myself, but they seem to be justified as of now. Maybe I really am a bad person? Maybe I somehow have gone against all my beliefs and everything that is me, and turned into a person that I cannot stand? Perhaps that is it?

I dunno. I guess it all hit me today. I am a horrible person. Maybe all the darkness and the bleakness that I buried deep within myself has come to the surface? Maybe I'm not the person I thought I was, but maybe it's just me? Maybe I am causing myself to feel this way? Maybe I'm just being me again?

And perhaps...I am just just over-dramatizing, like I do with everything? Perhaps, I inflate everything because I want it to create a story, to create something that will one day make me rich and famous? Perhaps that is it?! HAHA!!?!?!? I dunno, but indeed, I had to blog about it.

So there ya have it, my day today, was sub-par because of me. The end.

My update

Well, can I just say that I think I have been doing SPLENDIDLY with my whole new mindset?! I actually made it through one full week! That is beyond m-azing to me!! It's awesome. My next step is working on my patience. I know I have been really REALLY snippy lately, and feel atrocious about it. I don't mean to snap back with snide remarks or argumentative quips that come off bitchy, it's just sometimes I feel I lose control of my right mind.

I sometimes try to internalize anger, sadness or upsettings, in an attempt to not bring them to light so as not to in turn upset or anger other people. But by doing so, the things that bother me then begin to fester and burn, and I start snipping and snapping at the smallest remarks. Even when they are silly or meant to be playful! I jump back with an all-out, smack-in-the-face comment, and then proceed to get mad at myself...So then I attempt to internalize that because I know I was in the wrong and I start getting upset that I could be so cold-hearted and...Well, the process begins to repeat itself three fold!

But for the most part, I think my "this is me" mindset is working out well. It's sometimes hard to swallow my own medicine, but it happens, and I get through it, and life goes on. Now if only I could 100% accept it...I do work with it quite well, and try not to let stuff get to me...But at night, when the inner voice has time to catch up to my mind...That's when all hell breaks loose with the rampant thoughts and renegade anti-me sentiments. It's a daily battle, but without such struggles, I guess life would be too easy, eh?