Yucky feeling

I don't know why I get the way I get. Ya know how sometimes you look back to an incident(s), and have no idea why in God's name you'd act a certain way? I'm kinda in that mood/thought process right now. And it's about something that is so trivial and stupid, it's not even worth "fretting" over...But I can't help it. It kind of feels embarassing and not cool what so ever. Argh I say...ARGH.

A RANT!!!!

SCREW THAT NOISE

Otay, so I was watching American Idol with my boyfriend and his roommate tonight--who mind you are ENAMORED by this show--and it just utterly disgusted me. WTF?! Ok, so the show is to raise money, and they have all these celebrities and actors telling the AMERICAN VIEWERS how they can raise money for the poor and the sick and ya know what, they have X-MILLIONS DOLLARS to give to save DYING children and FAMILIES who have NOTHING...yet they implore to the American viewers and public to please, please donate money to help save lives.

Ya know what?!?!? FUCK THAT!! If I could, I would give all the money in the world to save those dying children! I would give all that I have to save families and to help those who are less fortunate than me!! But I don't make millions per year. I may under $30,000 per year, yet I donate what I cant to help those who I can!!! How much do they give?! Enough so that they can sustain in their million dollar mansions with their bodyguards and primping services...Where they can survive with their hair stylists and fashion coordinators, where they can live off all the luxuries that most people could only dream about having...while us, the American public can go on feeling sorry for those we see...Where we can feel guilty for not contributing money while THEY go on acting like it's OUR faults that those people live in poverty!!!

When the future comes, and the kids look back on what we have now, it's going to be something that is laughed at! It is going to be something that is laughed upon solely because we live in a time that embodies and praises and worships idols!! We live in a time that idols are the number one thing in our lives and nothing else matters!!! Models! Singers! Actors!! Everything that is superficial is worshipped...we are a pathetic race it seems...and this is just a random blog of emotion that I am done with now...

D-RAMA!

Well, I've been working on this one for a while now. Every time I feel like I want to post it, I end up hitting backspace and clearing it all out, so I am determined to get this one up today.

I've been feeling very apprehensive lately. I get that evil tingling-under-the-skin feeling where I just want to scream or cry out or run or something. I know what it's all about too..It's about the calendar of events that has all of a sudden over-taken me. The calendar is like my enemy now, and I know it shouldn't be, but it feels like it is.

Every weekend looks to be action-packed with something, if not directly for myself, for those that are close to me. Trips, doctor's appointments, softball games/tournies, camping...It's suffocating! I feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe comfortably again until Football season! Some of these aspects I see as villains in the movie of my life. It is these things that get me the most worked up and upset about stupid shit. I dunno--Again, I just want to hit the backspace and just clear it all out, but I can't. I've done that too much over the past couple weeks. I can't keep doing it.

It's come down to me realizing that I am a drama queen at times. I am a drama queen in my own kingdom, in my own realm. I don't think I bring it to light on the outside, in the reality that surrounds me, but inside I am just screaming for attention. It sounds horrible, because that's not what I want to say, but I don't know any other words to describe it. That is the closest association to the feelings I have. So there you have it. That's what it's all about. If it makes sense, kudos to me, I have accurately gotten across the message I have been trying to, if not, well, looks like I have more work to do.